Barbapapa - Shape shifter - Welcome to the Modelling World...

I've had such a busy few days. It seriously feels like I've been away from home for weeks, but those weeks are infact only 3 days. 

I travelled to London the evening of Thursday 2nd March, stayed at a friends, had an amazing dinner cooked for me (thanks) then VERY early Friday morning at 4.30am we got a taxi to Heathrow for our journey to Paris, for Paris Fashion Week (I'll abbreviate this to PFW just so it is easier to write and squishes up the word count so you don't get bored) We were cutting it a bit fine to get to the Airport (thank you Addison Lee for parking outside the wrong house and not letting us know you had arrived to pick us up), I think this is the general thing about taxi's.. maybe more so in London.. I'm paying for your service, I give you an address -which usually you can sat nav- and you still mess that up. Strange. You see I'm used to my local taxi's, at least they know where they are driving, map or not, it's your job, you get used to roads right.. 

Anyway. So we eventually got to the airport and luckily had checked in online so that was fine, went through security, no problems - they usually wiggle that stick all over me, but this time I didn't get that experience, just straight through, put on some of my (one of) favourite perfumes - Miss Dior from the duty free shop and headed to our gate. We didn't spend long in the airport, which is probably a good thing as I would have ended up buying more perfume or another Mac lipstick, both of which I have a lot of, I mean these are some of my favourite things. 

I say I'm not girly. I tell people, I tell boys, that I'm not girly at all.. and then there's me saying 'I love perfume and lipstick' WHAT IS HAPPENING!

I've recently bought some (quite a few) Limecrime lipsticks, which I'll write about another time because they are AMAZING. I love them. I have a favourite atm too (Posh, it's a metallic purple), I feel bad for the others, but they'll get their chance.

So you're probably thinking what with the status 'Barbapapa', well I saw this cute character maybe last year, I can't remember if it's a book I bought my sister or the other way around, or if it's just something I saw and liked it, then I saw it again in Paris the other day and was literally like OMGGGG! I'll go into more detail of my experience of PFW later.

So there's a few comparisons that Barbapapa has when I think of modelling, the past few weeks have been very up and down, mostly up and positive thinking but when it's down, it's right down there.

Barbapapa, as it says above, 'was born in a garden, just like a flower', me however, I was not born in a garden like Bill and Ben, I was born in a hospital in Essex (Barking). We moved to Norfolk when I was 3 or 4, one of those anyway, for my dads job and no I don't have an Essex accent (not that that's a bad thing, it isn't, I just don't have one) and no I don't have a Norfolk accent either, I think I'm pretty neutral speaking. 

'He can take any form. He is very nice, everybody likes him' 

I'm pretty sure not everybody likes me, but that's their issue not mine, I'm not really that bothered, obviously everyone wants to feel like they're liked, sometimes they are and sometimes they're not. That's just the way it is. You realise that more as you get older. It's something I've only really discovered this past year. It's sad to think people who you thought were your really good friends just fade, but then you meet some people for the first time and you're like I love you! I think you're great, we should be friends and it just clicks and you know they're not a dick, I mean sometimes they are, but that's what life is about, live it how you want and you make changes along the way. I give people chances, maybe one, sometimes two. 

A lot of people (I've heard) think I'm this girl, this model who is so up herself and looks down on others.. I'm not sure why or how they think that, especially if they've not met me, how can you judge? I'm very opinionated but I feel you can only judge by experiencing. I mean people are weird aren't they. But then you see these so called (I don't like her, but I've never spoken to her) girls.. they meet me and they're like 

'Ohhhh you're not what I thought you would be like!' and I'm like....... 'Cool' :)

That's okay, I don't mind, it's okay, I'll be nice to you, why wouldn't I be? I tend to talk to people like I've known them forever, I think it's how my parents are, the way I've been brought up. Living in the countryside you grow up going on walks, sometimes with the dogs or cats and you walk past people (random people) and you say 'Hello' or 'Good Morning' and then you say hello to their dogs too and it's just like a mutual acquaintance thing people do, I think it's just a countryside/small village thing. I do it everywhere though, in the city (Norwich, the small pond where you tend to walk past about 5 people in a row who you know) or London on the tubes or buses, in shops etc. I just have no worry in talking to new random people. 

I just think, imagine if it was the other way round, I always want people to feel comfortable and welcomed so perhaps that's why I like meeting new people. 

I'm good at the old mingling (not with men though it seems, and there's another post story for you which is not related to this one). 

I also am always happy to help others if they need it, even if they don't ask for it, I understand how life is hard and sometimes you feel alone and you feel hopeless and you don't know what to do or what to say, I get it, and if I think I can help in any way, I will say so. If people are happy I am happy. I've always put people before myself, and over time I've realised this is not what people really do, not everyone of course but a lot of people are very selfish, you have to be sometimes, I get that too. I sometimes find it difficult to work this out, but that's it, people are just selfish, you take it for what it is or you don't. Don't get too sensitive about it, it doesn't get you anywhere but building up more negativity, which is badddd. Take it for what it is, that's it. When things get tough that's what I have to say to myself, not to get wrapped up in it, especially in the 'Model World', there's so much that goes on, that the rest of people (I don't want to say 'the norms' but that is how people not in the industry are associated, 'the normal people') it's easier to say than.. People not in the fashion industry. It's not a bad thing, it's hard to write it like that and for people to not take offence, because people always take offence, that's why I have to write it down like that. 

That's just the way it is. OK. 

So lastly. 'With a few shape shifting and a brilliant imagination, he smoothly overcomes the most difficult situations!'

This one is my favourite, as I'll cover more about the 'Model World' in a few more posts. Yes it is a fun lifestyle and yes it is hard work, and yes I do enjoy it, but there's also a lot of it that people don't hear about or see. It's very hard to hold onto positivity sometimes and there are days where I've felt like F IT I'M GOING TO QUIT THIS.. and then you have a breather and a think and the next day or next hour is another time, more space to get the positive thinking back and then you feel okay again. 

It's a world full of the positive and the negative. 

Each take their toll on you, and really you just have to deal with it, for your own mind. A sense of security and try not get lost along the way. Play the game a little, but not too much.. Be a shape shifter.

That's my opinion of it anyway.  The flash your cash side is not for me for example, the flirting with other men when you have a bf that cares for you, and you feel like you can do want you want because 'Oh he'd never leave me'. Another thing to touch upon in many more posts, .. Is this why (some) men have such a problem with dating models? I mean to be honest I feel I am sometimes a tad naive in the modelling world, I've seen a lot but not said a lot, because you just take it for what is it. You play it how you want to play it and sometimes people play it very selfishly and then they get wrapped up in it all. Which is sad to see, I mean I'm happy for you but the way you're acting is just so sad, you're lost in it. 

I'll explain everything about this world, how it is but without naming names of course and locations will have to be adjusted to no names and no location, but maybe just a general overview of a few things I've noticed over the years of modelling. Certain situations that I've been a part of whether by choice or not. I've signed a few things off in contracts along the way so will have to be careful and not get in trouble but will give you as much information as I can ! 

When I look at Barbapapa I (sometimes) feel like this is me, in the modelling world and generally really. When you see other models who are smaller than you (because they are usually younger than you, and let's face it, your body changes so much when you get older) Plus today is me feeling like a slug day, I am soooooo exhausted from the trip and travelling, so many trains, tubes and buses just yesterday alone totally took my energy from me and that's just yesterday, the long journey home. 

It's very hard to not think you should lose some weight to be seen as the 'appropriate' size for modelling, all I can say is, yes I am aware my bum has got a little big over the last few months, 
WHY IT IS THAT BEING A WOMAN MEANS WHEN YOU LOSE WEIGHT IT'S OFF YOUR STOMACH AND BOOBS BUT NOT YOUR BUM!! WHYY WHY WHY!? (Yes I know why, but sometimes I just feel like a big fat slug, I know I'm not and no I'm not asking for compliments I'm just saying that's how I feel sometimes, Okay). I don't go to the gym either, I probably should, my mum keeps telling me it's going to all catch up with me one day, and every year I get a little older I think, shit this will be the year and I'll just turn into looking like Barbapapa. A big squishy candy floss cartoon character... 

So there's a little update of my brain into the modelling world. There will be more of course, but let's not bore you too much. (I'm supposed to be looking for 'proper jobs' today, and no I have not looked at as many as I was planning to, or even applied)

Thanks for reading,
Amy xx