Hi again,

Hi all, I've been debating for a while (months) about this post because I wasn't sure whether I should, but then the thought of me posting about my life - and modelling especially really, well it just didn't seem right to, not before saying this. So that's why I haven't and been a bit off radar. 

I'll try to keep this short. 🌷And those who know me well, know in fact it won't be, so please don't read further if you don't want to. 🌷

I was good and pretty happy at the start of the year (considering the rollercoaster of the 

year before) then the last few months I just haven't quite felt myself as much as I've tried to sort that out (due to normal life things, money, work, moving house, boys, life progress etc) .. 

And then my family dog Spike died and it feels so weird without him and I still well up thinking about it, along with all the other stuff that's happened this summer. 😔Trying to move on and just thinking about the good times is easier said than done. I'm not good with talking about emotions or change and I'll admit that but tbh I've just stopped feeling anything and suppressed it all and just ignored it and instead have focused on work. It's not the ideal thing to do I get that. But I'm trying. So if you haven't heard from me then all this is why. 🌾

I'm trying to get back on track, I'm not sure when I'm supposed to feel like me again. Sometimes I do and then I realise no I don't. Short bursts of feeling generally happy and like old me. I feel very hurt and sad but I can't do anything to change things so have to just accept and remember that I am a good and nice person. "Treat others how they would like to be treated". I'm very loyal and have high morals and if you are my good friend you will know this.

I'm not that girl who runs back if you speak to me like shit. I wish I was, but I'm not. I've not been brought up like that. I'll do my thing and people come and go, that's just life. 

Just because I'm strong willed doesn't mean I'm not crying on the inside. Okay, I'm admit I'm not good with change, and yes I would be lying if I said I didn't still think about you. But I'm still waiting for that day when I just don't think about you anymore, and meanwhile I'll try and get on with my life. 

So that is why again I've just  kept myself to myself because there's only one me right. Yes.

In addition to having a pretty rubbish Summer; 

My best friends dad died in July and it was such a shock. It shook me up, I shutdown a little bit and just had all my thoughts with my friend (and her family).

I just wanted to post this and say thank you to Paul for being such a kind and funny man. I hope you are treated well now that you are at peace. So many funny jokes and it was great when you used to call me for a chat when Holly wasn't around, that was just so nice. So thank you and lots of love ❤️ always in our thoughts. 

I also wanted to say how proud I am of my friend (Holly) for sorting so much out for the funeral and wake and clearing Paul's old house. It was a little difficult with us two but luckily Jack and Matt were there too. Good team work. 🌸It's only been a few weeks and it's such a hard thing to get your head around, I just wanted to say, and I know I've said it before but please let me know if there's anything I can do, you know I will always be there for you both. Paul would be so proud of the both of you, Holly and Jack. I am so proud of you two for being so strong in these tough times. Love you lots xxxx 💛

Again I apologise the lateness of all of this but I couldn't get my head around posting about my life without saying all of this first. 

Originally I was going to put it all in an Instagram/FB post but thought it's better to have it on the blog but because really that's all tied together.  🦋

I'll be okay, I just need to continue with my life and not let things get me down.

Also, those of you who read this and know me well, know that for me to post this is hard enough because 1) I do not do feelings and 2) It makes me feel weak, which I hate. But likewise I am a very honest person so will tell you straight up how it is.

I'm in London for a few days, working with Tigi again so that will be good and hopefully get me back to me (and I'll have some new hair too) 

Lots of love and thanks for reading if you got this far.

Amy

Xx

... still feeling like I shouldn't post this but then if I don't I can't move on with everything else and I need to focus on other things now. 

Closed book.